As the scariest day of the year rears its horrific head, terrified townsfolk peer through the fog and mist to see its face: asymmetrical eyes, oversized nose, misshapen mouth. Perhaps nothing is scarier than a poorly carved pumpkin. Drop the axes and butcher knives, and check out these inventions designed to make carving the perfect jack-o-lantern frightfully easy.
No company puts its bloody heart and unrepentant soul into innovating the pumpkin-carving industry quite like Pumpkin Masters™. This fall alone the company released several new products designed to optimize pumpkin slicing for ghastly carvers of all ages. While the Pumpkin Masters Original Pumpkin Carving Kit remains the best-selling pumpkin kit in America, some of the new kits offer a little freakier flavor. One shockingly innovative Pumpkin Masters kit is the Deluxe Kids Fright Lights ($4.99), which enables younger ghouls and goblins to take a less dangerous stab at pumpkin carving. Essentially, this kit helps a young demon transform a pumpkin into a makeshift Lite-Brite (which anyone who grew up in the 80s knows is one of the greatest toys ever made). Witches and warlocks get 30 colored pegs with interchangeable shapes that they jab into a pumpkin’s flesh to give it a gross and glorious glow. Alternately, to transport old Jack O. Lantern back in time, there’s the Dig Those Decades Kit ($2.99), which features a pattern book filled with eight startling new designs that harkens back to the Age of Aquarius (not quite the age of evil, but, then again, it did begat Manson). These “terrifying” retro designs include patterns to carve pumpkins that resemble lava lamps, peace signs and disco dancers. Pumpkin Master kits are available at various retailers and grocery stores nationwide.
Quit those bloodcurdling shrieks of fear and panic, hardcore adult pumpkin slashers - there’s an innovative tool kit for you too. From the petrifying people at Dremel, the renowned maker of drills and rotary tools, comes the Cordless Pumpkin Carving Kit ($25-$35). Though purists may wince in terror as they foam at the mouth and rant about how this kit takes away from the gooey, imperfect art of pumpkin carving, technology buffs will tell you: anytime you can use a power tool, do so. Plus this puppy produces the kind of alarmingly brilliant results that make neighbors think they’ve got a diabolical genius next door (which might encourage them to keep their dog out of your graveyard - er, backyard). Dremel notes the kit is designed for “those looking to carve more advanced pumpkins than the traditional jack o’lanterns this Halloween”. With a cordless high speed cutter and included templates, all the mad hackers out there can quickly and easily chop spectacularly dreadful pumpkin designs – including gargoyles, swamp monsters, zombies and the grim reaper. The carving tool runs on a pair of devilish AA batteries and features two staggering speeds for optimal incisions. The Dremel Cordless Pumpkin Carving Kit is available at select tool retailers nationwide.
While scaring the living hell out of lads and lassies is a nice perk, really what’s the point of carving an amazingly atrocious pumpkin if you’re not going to get something out of it? For that, there’s the Pumpkin Masters Carving Contest. With six different categories (faces, animals, themes & scenes, lettering, shadows and sculpting), carvers everywhere have multiple chances to win up to $15,000 in total prizes. Simply fill out the entry form, take a picture of your sickening, gruesome or horrendous pumpkin and unleash hexes and curses on the people at Pumpkin Masters until they declare you the winner. You can check out some of last year’s elaborately evil winners on the Pumpkin Masters Web site. Have a happily hideous Halloween!!
